The other face

…
Yet there is no light for me
Only a dark shadow
Like hope has cast off her cloak
To reinvent herself
Now in her place the sense of nothingness
The pain which keeps tearing
Long after the initial rip fades
Where I have learnt the promise
Of quietness
Kept close the mask I wear in faith
All in her name
Because those who knew best
Saw little but her beauty
Where as I, I belonged to her ugly side.

gasoline

we have tossed the match
struck against our hard edges

burning

thrown caution to the wind
into our gasoline
breath held
the spark to set us alight

or leave us an empty shell

decimated

Wind the darkness of day into our souls

And so it starts,

a gradual walking away,
the next step
as our threads pull tight,
stretched around
the void we find between us.

Spinning through the universe
until...

we are deafened.

(They will claim they heard nothing.)

(They will say it was worn,
around the edges.)

We snap.
And my hands are left empty.

Call into question

Can I ask?

Can I
ask as I
hold out my hand?

Would you understand?

Grasp the moment to
bring it close
to your chest.

Ready to share.

Can I ask?
For that piece of hope
small
insignificant.

Or is my mouth bound?

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

I’m not playing

Not anymore
Not this game
Nor any others you care to invent
Like you are better than me
More worthy

Like you have crawled over me
To climb the ladder

Executed the manoeuvre with precision
Then lauded it from on high
The smug self satisfaction radiating
Irritating
Obscene

I will not play

You will not position yourself above me
Not when all you seek to bring
Is destruction.

The game has ceased to be fun.

Nights

I wake
Screaming

A need to get away

Retract into the dark
To keep myself
Safe

But you trawl
Through the sheets

Willing

Looking at me
With expectant eyes
As if I should know
Truth

We are tired

And my dreams
Haunted.

Mid-flight

They are taking it down slowly
In pieces so small
Just fragments
Collateral damage
The pin prick in your fine film
Minuet

Until it spreads

Hidden beneath the doubler
You wear like a mask
A patch to hid the lie

But you have eroded
Cracks radiating off in all directions
There will come a time
For breaking point

When you fall from the skies
Disintegrating.

The Mistress

I have felt death,
Traced his edges
With each and every fibre
Of my very being;
Welcomed him in,
Even on the days I didn’t
Want to,
To sit at my table
And wait.
He has made his home
Safe in the knowledge
That soon I will
Bow to his might,
Brought to my knees
By a dark mistress he dares
To cast out in to the world.
Yet he has offered me choices.

Right (When all that is left is wrong)

If it is time
Why does it feel like I've always been late?
That somewhere along the line
I missed the big event
Because I was too busy trying to be right.

Right dress,
Right shoes,
Right hair,
Right life.

Too busy masking the faults.

So that by the time I got there
The show had been and gone,
Leaving me with nothing but space.

Hobbies

We collect
me and my archangel

my fallen angel
carved now in black
shrouded
covered in a mist

we collect
me and my broken angel

by my side
her fingers twisting
enticing

winding in the fine bonds
till they are threads

we collect
my devil angel and me

together

like she hasn't noticed I see
that our paths forked
along time ago

we collect
an angel and me

me and my monster

we collect

me
I

I collect dust
she collects me.

Transient

You sound tired of me,
like I have done something
you long to forget,
wipe clean from your memory
'til there is no trace.

A blank space
where you can implant the child
I should have been.

The small hand who would
cling to yours,
contented with all that was her lot,
or die trying.

If it brings you any comfort,
I do.

And I am as tired as me as you are.

Self inflicted

In this fractured moment
It is my heart which has sunk
To new depths
Because I was found to be
Nothing more than a coward

Of the worst kind

Loving the misery which bound itself
To all that stood between us
And the life we were promised

As my self inflicted wounds
Radiated against your self defence

With their premeditated excuses

We have unwittingly provided
Life to this world where I fail
To take the steps necessary
To be welcomed back with open arms

Closed off
I long for the day
Where you discover I was never who I said

And take matters into your own hands.

In law

What it is to be brave and heroic
A lion amongst men

And yet here you are
Choosing the cowards way out
Letting your knights inflict the fatal wound
Because you were not man enough
To look the one time ally in the eye.

I believed you were better than that.