Clandestine

Four yards down,
Lingering wistfully by
The fading roses
I could hear your mind working,
Trying to figure out
Where the truth lay.
It seemed like I was
Defending the devil,
Keeping alive
The poisonous tendrils
As they strangled
All that was once
Good and new.

But I was not.

Inside,
I exposed the stifling scream,
Willing you to open your mind
And simply hear
All that I had been
Surreptitiously hiding from you.

She was so loud
I failed to understand
How the world
Was not deafened and destroyed
By her ravishing voice.

Writing important messages

The message you wrote,
amid the condensation
on the window to my soul,
ran.

Does she laugh with you?
OR at you?
Does she talk to you?
OR down to you?

Does she?
Does she?
Well, does she?

But it’s only in my head.
What did I expect?
Something.

Silence Here

What happens when you hit the breaks
And silence becomes your only friend.
A silence so loud
It tears your world apart.

So here is your silence
The friend that you never had.

A friend that you never wanted
Who appeared out of no-where.

Maybe that is where you are
No-where.

And are you happy there?
In that silent place.

You hit the breaks looking for an escape.
One last effort to eradicate the pain
Ease the blame.

But all you found was silence
Which nothing could penetrate.

Still
You hit the breaks.
And are you happy?
And are you really happy?

Girl A

Disappearing from view,
disappearing,
slipping from you,
consuming myself
thin;
the last
the first
it was always you,
all the rest just
in between.
Kissing the sky
late at night
I closed my eyes
as time went by.
If I was lost,
if I was faithless,
you found me
exceeding,
dreaming,
nameless.

The End of Perfection

Nothing is made perfect.

No modern day miracle
to remove damaged flaws
or hand out redemption
to those who would otherwise flee
in the face of overwhelming truth.

Truth.

It's burning a hole
through knowledge
through acceptance
through existence.

And I watch
as my soul seeps out
escaping into the in-between.

Where now the strength?

You decided long ago
it could never last
destined to wear then fade
unable to outwit the inevitable.

I could never last.

Because nothing is made perfect.

On Low

Turn me down
low
to that place
just above the
blackness
where life
is indistinguishable
from whatever comes
next.

A Little More Room

Light falls between
all our dreams,
slipping past
the distant memories
without waking them.

And you say
it was pleasant,

for a while.

From Here

As much as I wanted
I was never
one of your stars.

Always on the outer edge
just out of reach.

Destined to watch from afar
and wonder
at everything I never had.

Broken One

You didn't have to
break him.

Cast him out into the world
with his small soul

shattered.

To become
simply another broken one
who nobody knew
how to fix.

You were meant to
protect him.

Not destroy

the

child

Only Time

With eyes wide,

drenched under
the after glow of a
blazing sun,

you leant in close
to whisper against
my welcoming soul,
"It's only time."

Through closed veins
it spread,

warming,

for although I was
almost gone
I heard you awakening
lost senses.

Shelter

The silence falls
still
I have so much to say.

So I find
comfortable phrases
which have no voice
resting
on the edge of softened lips,
clinging to the subtle
shelter
you and your heart provide.

If I

If I was better
I would be
the beauty
on the edge of serenity,
the one who sought
perfection,
instead of this vile,
shallow monster
who seeks comfort with
faintly framed victories.

Glossing over

Beauty
to cover
the fragile skin
once supple
now contorted against
free will.

You Passing By

If

you hear me
surrender
to the confines of the moon

speak slowly.

She said

"the sky is still
blue
on the other side
of twinkling, dissolving stars."

and today
it hauled me through.

Possessed

I am the world
vacated,
left forgotten
or put away
or whatever words
linger
and are used
to describe
how the possession
once prized

and treasured

and held softly
amoungst tender hands

was dropped.

Lullaby

In your silent sleep,
untouched
by scars left vivid
across your soul
a recollection
of all the pretty horses.

She will sing to you,

the song of a mother
who's watching eye
was unable to halt
the battle cry
of the looming war horse.

She will sing to you.

Shedding blood as she
goes,
a daily battle to ease
your passing
from the world where she is queen
into
a world outside her dreams.

Battle scars

The space you left behind
bore the scars
of a vision once so perfect,
knitted up in each
fibre of my very being

and

how slowly you

disintegrated.

Battle Cry

It is not our old we send to war,
those who have lived a thousand lives,
experienced all there is to offer,
soared on wings or plumbed the depths,
taken life by the hand and shook it firmly.
It is our young.
Lives so full of promise,
the potential as of yet unknown.

And still we send them.

Cookies and Cream

Under the punishing pull
of your upper hand,
stuck in this rut,
your face
radiates a smug self satisfied smile;
you thought you had the world
but she struggled to stay afloat,
under your radar,
a girl drip dropping away.
Crumbling.
Wasting.

A lesser God

I think if he had
a mouth
he might say
that I was a
terrible mistake,
the oversight on his part,
the left over pieces
used up
simply because
he hated waste.
If he could explain
would there be
words which have
no grounding
or
absolute absolution?

Boy

Feelings mislaid,

misplaced
outside the circle
of a strangers dream.

The boy

staged perfectly,
one who stood
still,

rooted

lacking courage
in his convictions.

Let there be

There is light
in the
dark.

And all the
emptiness
which encases you
so perfectly
so completely
cannot put it out.

If you
stand
very still
it will find you.

There is hope
in all this darkness.

Girl

Those beautiful girls
s t r e t c h e d o u t
for all to admire.

Clinging
tightly on to
each others hand.

I was paper thin.

Lovely Bones

I think God forgot
to wrap her bones.

Missed off
the outer layers
of existance.

So all that was
exposed
was the twine
holding her together.

I think God forgot
to wrap her bones.

Once

I use to believe
in once-upon-a-time.
then you showed me how quickly
a fairy tale could grow cold.

This was the beginning
of my growing old.

I?

You asked me
who I am?
I got to thinking
and all these words
floated round.
but I couldn’t
focus on any.
And then it hits me…
there
there lays the answer.
Nothing.
What if I’m nothing?

From where you are

Where did we disappear to?

Was it through the crack
of the floorboards
into this nothingness?

Past the hiding places?

Beyond the illusion
of everything you comprehend
into that which you cannot grasp?

Devotion

If I wanted a
deep hymn of devotion
then I am a
million miles away
from where
i expected to be

You offer no
glorious psalm
no
happy ever after

and a

million miles away

doesn't seem
that far.

A certain truth

I could be one of those
tiny marks upon the page,
slight and insignificant,
softly wandering amongst
the faceless voids sketched out
in grey and black.
Waiting,
to worship the ground
upon which you tread gently.
Watching,
as you leave
no trace of bitterness.
And if the tear
should fall on your page
would you acknowledge
a lesser known truth;
in the anonymous crowd
I blended in
and a daily battle for survival
became beauty incarnate.

The other room

Calling
from the other room.

Somewhere
I connect the two.
And
it all falls apart.

The promise of all that could be

In waking moments,

unearthed,
uncovered,
unloved,

left cold,

I became of me
what no more could be,
the beautiful fairytale
untold.

Breath and skin

I
feel myself
coming undone

at the side

barely there

just one more
pull

then
some stranger
stitches me together

again

leaving no scar you can see

i feel it
it scratches
i tug

now you can watch
as
it unravels

insides
slipping out

your
race against time
to protect
my seams

stained beyond porous
covers

it was only a thread
it was only a scratch

we will hide it well.

Burnt to a crisp

21 years down the tracks
will I still be here
and you there,
with your deep,
ocean deep thoughts.
Caught in a shallow frying
pan.
Slowly cooking.
I said slowly cooking,
they’re slowly cooking.
I think,
and it’s only a thought,
that you left it on
too high,
far too high.
Oh yes.
A bit well done,
I burnt my fingers.
I see you burnt your heart.

A moment in time

In the moment
before we break
when time is held
and fades
will you hear the crack
as everything
is ripped apart?

Hush

So I kept quiet.

As it all fell apart.

Melting slowly
into silence.

You watched my lips

flounder and fail.

Shelter

Finding when I close my eyes
the images of what never was.
A big dream that barely
happened,
or happened so far away
that it glances off the
shapeless voids
and slips softly away.
To the places far beyond where
I can go,
past the images I hardly dare
to touch
for fear that they will shatter
and float away to that empty
space
where all those other big dreams shelter.

Dead weight

Bones, that barely fill
the hollow
left
between dead weight
and fine film.

I fall behind.

You, wait for me
to stretch and
wrap
what is left.

A layer of protection
but I
fall behind.

What we use to be

So seldom
do I hear your voice
settle on my outstretched palm.
Stirring what little
is left within delicate lines.
I wrap warped fingers
against the pull of the tide
as your whisper fades.

Inhale

She was my girl.

Yet now
I barely recognize
the ghost
who stands
softly in her place.

Who weeps quietly
as she is torn down.

Who screams inwardly
against the raging violence.

Struggling each day
to simply breath in
a little more.

Resigned

I stand down
absolving
myself from blame.

Backing away.

I take no responsibility.

For the hanging boy

And he came.

Seeping silently.

Unwatched
and invisible to the naked eye.

Planting
thoughts and words.
Who didn't belong?

And he came.
On dismal cloudy days.

And he came.

And he stayed.

And you left.

Slipping away

You pulled me back
from the edge
of all that was lost
to a galaxy of
nothingness.

As you held on
to the splintered
fragments
that once made up
me
I felt all those
big dreams
slip away.

And how they did.

Squeezed into the
blackness
of an ever expanding
black hole.

But you held on to
me.

And I was empty.

And I was alone.

And I just wanted
you to
let go.

Settled

I am meant to be
gloriously happy
and grateful
and thankful
and everything else
that comes with
settling down.

So how come
I just feel sad?

Tattoo

I thought it was noble
to have your name
carved across my soul.

Emblazoned for all the world to see.
For loved ones to fear.

Made up

Half painted.
Half decorated.
I present the censored side.
Tuning out conversations
that might keep me sane.

And now stripped bare
I recognise what i am.

Half human.

Fairy Tale

You.

You were suppose to be
my knight in shining armour,
a handsome prince
to come rescue me.

Not an ordinary bloke
with failings.

Overlooked

Below the fine film
of skin
which clings
to once glorious bones
would you find
who I once was
or over look
the decay
stating
"there is nothing here."

Love of a clown

I have cried the tears of a thousand clowns,
I have walked the path of a thousand men,
wandering aimlessly,
until I found this unfathomable love
that only faltered when in isolation.

Twisting

IT HURT LIKE HELL,
TO WATCH YOU DIE.
TO WATCH YOU TWIST THE KNIFE.

SIDE TO SIDE,
FORWARDS AND BACK
SLOWLY YOU TWISTED THE KNIFE.
TRYING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE
OF IT’S SHINING BLADE.

BUT YOU NEVER SAW.
STARNGE HOW YOU NEVER SAW IT,
NEVER FELT IT’S PAIN.
ONLY WHAT WAS INSIDE.

INSIDE AND EATING AWAY.

AND THIS IS ALL METOPHORICAL
BUT IT HURT LIKE HELL.