Catholic girl

With my guilt I should be catholic

or at least down on my knees and praying.

Cause I’ve got bucket loads of the stuff,

over flowing, over whelmed and consumed.

Yes the priest would be proud.

And are you, my vengeful God,

pleased to watch my daily struggle.

Are you pleased?

Are you proud?

Just Me

Is it just me?

Is it just me?

Maybe it’s just me?

Sometimes I wonder

if it’s just me.

Not you.

Not you and me.

Just me.

Just me alone.

Me on my own.

What if it’s just me?

And you’re not here.

And they’re not here.

Only me.

Just me.

Is it just me?

I don’t want it to be

just me.

Almost

Almost brave.
Almost
the sweet sickly girl
the one who lingered
lying in your mind
almost caught
almost brave
almost believed.

Almost

Not quite.
Nearly
Nearly there.

Almost the perfect version
of the lie
never worthy unless
your tongue formed
broken words.

Almost pleasing.
Almost hiding.

No more.
Not now.
Never almost.

Frost in May

Coldness bathes
my failing skin
as falling flakes
settle upon
that which once
burned bright
in sunlight,
bathed in spelndor
and all the protection
offered in being.
And now
how I long for
the unknown,
to slip
beneath the surface
as snow falls
gently
from the sky.

After

If time stands still because you are absent from the world then life has failed and all that is left is to gently pack away the remaining remnants of you.

Coded

Those words I say
“I’m fine.”
When you ask
How I am
They’ve coded meaning

What you should hear is
All I fail
To disclose

What I want to say is
Everything
Which tears me down

How my world
Has been consumed

That life
Is a daily battle
As I fight
To draw breath

Struggle against
Constant chaos
When all I want is calm

And behind this façade
Emptiness has crept forward
Chipping away
Until I can’t remember
Who I could be

I was good
Once

Now
I cannot say.

We Drop Out

If today is the day
it all falls apart,
crumbles and breaks
in my searching hands,
or splinters along the shoreline
then it is ok.

You do not need to find
new things to talk about
or fill the space
with conversations
that will keep me present.

Today
the time has past
and it is all ok.

I'm ok.