Variable Rate

No lightness is worth this,
Not on the days when you’re hunched over,
Broken,
Like the doll she left behind,
When her youthful days were over and fading,
When smears of red, smudge against chapped lips
And the back of dirty hands.

It is too much,
A price no person in their right minds
would be willing to fork out,
Yet you do.
Time and time again.

The interest of a debt
that was never yours in the first place,
Still you pay,
APR mounting, insurmountable,
And lightness has turned to dark,
A mass to keep you rooted,
Tied down.

There ought to be clowns

You have taken the moment
To distance yourself,
Reached the point where my pushing
Became a shove,
Where finally you get the hint.

Just as I find some courage.

Just as I am ready to begin.

You find yourself at the end
And I am left clinging on
To thread bare ropes,
With a prayer,
That if I talk and smile enough
For the both of us
You won’t leave.

Relinquish

I don’t turn up for the battle,
Not because I hate you
Or am angry,
Rather I am sad.
And drained.
And some days I forget
If we are friend or foe.
Days where I want to laze in the sun,
Not plough through the mud,
Churning over old ground
For small advances.
Days where my absence might at least
Afford you victory.

Loose ends

The girl served you well,
Best of the best,
Each passing hour rendering her
Dutiful beyond her lowly commission.

The moments at your side
Weighted in her solitude,
Waiting for the dawn.

The fracture in time when you,
Her mistress,
Finally took the bait
To cast her aside.

An idea
She had been more worthy
Than nature intended,
Banished.

Tasks once intimate, prized,
Pulled from under life weary feet,
Returned,
Reclaimed,
Simply an act.

A role.

Expected.

With nowhere left to go.

Apart from faded hallways,
Echoing to the sounds
Of life
Continuing, unabated, as hers
Is gently wound up.

I knock quietly at your door, you open it yet never let me in

Well?

And I shouldn’t be surprised
Really

Still
I can’t help it
and it would have been nice

Just this once

To feel like I had someone on my side

That in the middle of this darkness
Unsure of where to go
There was a hand in mine

Ready to squeeze when I lost my footing

Never mind
Doesn’t matter

It’s beside the point
(Just keep telling myself that)

I’ll let it go
Pretend that it doesn’t sting
One more wound to add to
My ever growing list

Sorry
To have bothered you.

below par

I am not broken.

You cannot fix
What was always faulty.

Soundness of judgement

There is an edge
Like a knife
Or a sword

Fine
Unrelenting
Unyielding

And he says we’re balance on it
As if we could just stand there

As if that is the easiest thing
In the whole wide world

As if we wouldn’t notice

Just there

See

Where the wrappers and films
And boxes
And outer cases
And empty packets
And tissues
And toothpaste
Cover

There

Where I failed to notice

And I think he is right

Only not balanced but teetering
Like at the brink of disaster.